Wow! I feel like I should try to redeem myself in some way but somehow I think there is just no excuse for not entering a post in almost 3 months. I am not worthy of the blog. Please forgive me as I make an attempt to rejoin the land of the living, at least on the World Wide Web. I�ve been doing life at it�s best since I last typed anything on these pages. Life, where I�ve been for the past year, has just been wild to say the least. First of all I find myself living somewhere I never thought I�d live and never wanted to live, doing something I never thought I�d do and never really cared to do and liking it more than I�d thought I�d like it. How�s that for irony. As I return to teach for another year and reflect back on some things that the first year has taught me I�m in awe of how life can take on different shapes. I thought I had a pretty good grasp on who I am and what I�m about and what I want but then Reality struck. Overall I think I�m still the same crazy Curt but there are some foundational things that have been dug up and relayed. I�m so excited that I have a father who cares enough about me to sift out the crap I like to fill my life with and replant fresh truth and fruit making a better me. It has not been without a fight though. The pruning and subsequent fighting has been where the deepest changes have taken place. I find myself fighting something entirely good in order to hang on to something that is entirely bad just because the bad is what I�m used to and something new threatens my perception of freedom and comfort. I used to always talk about wanting to be free and uninhibited. I never realized that the things I thought were making me free were actually those bad things that were keeping me bound. Attitudes, prejudices, lusts for a particular standard of living. Craziness. I don�t know if you know that song, �his eye is on the sparrow� but I love how it talks about Him being my portion and because of this I can sing, be happy and be free. I love the reference the song makes to singing because I love to sing and especially when my heart feels free to sing loud. Sometimes I don�t feel like singing but other times I feel like singing so that the whole town can hear me. Those are the special times. I�m really excited that I�ve been given an opportunity to experience my father in such a way recently that it makes me want to sing. Sing a song motivated by joy and freedom in allowing him to love me and protect me. What a great Dad I have. He takes away my fear of stepping out and really doing life. Who knew that fear has such a tight grasp on so many of us. Fear and pride have to be the two worst things one can struggle with. As I�ve had the opportunity to look some of my fears in the face and totally defuse them I find myself with an incredible lightness and courage to live completely outside the box. I see now how fear gets it�s power. As long as I remain afraid of being exposed or afraid of not measuring up or even afraid of being left out of love then I am totally submitting to the curse of fear and I�m putting myself in shackles. It�s not easy to confront fear but once you begin to it�s sweet. Fear knows where I get my power from and so eminently it�s future is doomed. I just have to remember this. I guess I could go on and on about this stuff. I just wanted to share a little bit of my heart since I was sitting here at the computer anyway. I have a cousin that always writes this little saying at the end of her emails (Live, Love and Laugh). I think that�s how it goes. It�s a good saying and knowing who gives us the freedom to live and to love and to laugh should motivate us to do even more of the same. If you�re not keepin� it real, make it real.